SINGARA CHENNAI IL ORU BUS RIDE

[ I know I know, the title might sound weird, I just decided to go the KOLLYWOOD way. ;D ]

The heat in Chennai can be quite punishing at times. So severe that u go to great lengths to do something to nullify it. A train from the station bang opposite srm and a 90 mins ride from there would have gotten me home but at times, fat at the wrong places makes you take decisions so stupid they can put even the producer of that kollywood blockbuster-VEERASAMY to shame. What did I do? I decided to skip the easier option of the electric train and instead decided to hitch hike a ride in my friend’s “AIR CONDITIONED” car, eventually ending up on a bus from anna nagar, something that would have been quite comfortable except for the timing of my ride-bang in the middle of what you would call PEAK HOUR in Chennai.

As I stood there wrestling with my co-passengers aboard the devil’s favourite weapon of mass destruction(now that osama is dead. ;D), I did notice a few interesting things. Try clearing your mind of the sounds and smells (!!!) around you and you would realize that the MTC buses are actually a bee hive of activity and a congregation of interesting characters. Let me take you through the list of characters you might/will find on a bus in Chennai:

THE LOUD MOUTHED PHONAHOLIC

Every bus/train/any mode of public transport will have this particular homo sapiens sub species, you know, that group of people who haven’t quite realized that a conversation over the phone can also be done quite successfully without putting the ear drums of the people around you under risk.

THE STARER

Nothing more disturbing than actually having someone following each and every action of yours. These people are so irritating that even stark followers of non violence(read as yours truly) are pushed to resorting to violence. or at least giving them a mouthful.

THE LAUGHING HYENAS

They should have actually been categorised under the “laughing hyena” category when biologists decided to categorise mammals but because of their uncanny resemblance to an evolved ape form, they were called GIRLS. They usually hang around in packs and laugh at an unnecessarily high decibel level at the drop of a hat. Targeted audience include the group of boys(usually from the same college/area) hanging around at the back.

NOTE: to the girls who are reading this: not every one of u fall under this group so rest assured. And pls put down your weapons, you are scaring me B-)

THE DAREDEVILS

College students in the age group of 18-23 who are content with hanging from door steps, window sills and monkey bars OUTSIDE the bus(ok, mtc buses don’t actually have monkey bars, I probably went too far there :P) instead of taking the EMPTY seats INSIDE the bus. Blame them not, it has to do with high testosterone levels usually found in males of this species in this particular age group. B-)

THE TRAFFIC ISLAND

This is quite an unfortunate group that is forced into becoming a traffic block inside the bus. This group primarily consists of school kids and engineering students who are weighed down by 750 page text books that are so heavy, they can actually be substituted as dumbbells just in case the dumbbells at your gym go missing. No kidding. I owe my muscular(o.O) body to the engineering text books that I’ve had to carry around for the past 4 yrs(and the next 2 yrs probably but that’s something I’ll reflect on in the future). There you go, your readymade traffic islands who because of the bags at their back can move in one direction only-away from the place where the block started.

An interesting observation in this particular passage is that this group consists of school kids. And ENGINEERING STUDENTS! Talk about growing up. Talk about moving on. Talk about adulthood. Guess those things don’t really happen in india. Or atleast tamil nadu. A big “Thank you” to the education board and the various engineering colleges around the country for still keeping us in the level of schoolkids, albeit, with a different name. :/

MR. GOOD HEART

Could also be mrs. But since I haven’t really been allowed to turn towards the ladies seats(beware of the moral police), I’ll have to talk about the MRs in the crowd. Comprising mostly of Middle aged and/or elderly citizens, these are usually doting parents who give their kids the luxury of bikes but resort to cramped buses themselves to make ends meet. I salute you, caring moms and dads.

THE HARBRINGER OF CHANGE

sounded dramatic, didn’t that? :D

Wondering who I am talking about? Its just your average foul mouthed, ever angry , change demanding(no not the EGYPT protest type change. This is change as in ‘tender exact change’ type), karun siruthais (ara body lorry liyae kambi pudikaama varavanga. ;D) though at times, u get tamer versions of this breed as well. They unfortunately though, don’t last long enough.

SPEED RACER

Though in certain parts of Chennai, they are more famously known as crown prince to the grim reaper. Now if you would have taken driving classes, you might have known what the ABC of driving are- Accelerator, Brake, Clutch. For these guys though, the clutch simply doesn’t exist. As for the brakes, why use them when you have other easier means- like banging instead into that nice new car with the ‘FOR REGISTRATION’ sign. Like in the previous case, you do have rule abiding, proper gear shifting, safe drivers but like I already said, they last lesser than the batteries they show in the DURACELL ads. ;D

By the time you get down from the bus, you are actually equipped enough to write a book on psychology and human behavior. And of course if you are the brave kind that lasts through the entire duration of your journey you are medically fit to pass the INDIAN ARMY recruitment program’s medical exams.

Until next time,

Keep smiling

ADIOS!